Bored with Skyrim, you download a mod that has no description, just the title "self-awareness overhaul". Starting up the game, you can tell something's wrong with your character. Turning to face the fourth wall, they locks eyes with you. All you know is you've never seen such intense anger...
Tom had seen it all at this point: Lute playing grizzly bears, epic monster mounts, nude Dragonborns... But this one really peaked his interest: The self awareness mod. So, with the game ready and loaded, Tom was all set and prepped to give it a whirl. With a crack of his knuckles he flicked the controller stick forward to move his avatar... but...
Nothing.
Tom let out a sharp puff of breath, whipping the hair from his face as he mashed more at the controller buttons.
Still nothing. Huh.
But, suddenly something caught his eye. He wrinkled his forehead and leaned into the screen for a closer look. Tom's avatar was moving by herself, glancing around the place in all directions... but what was it she was looking for? Standing poised and alert, her line of sight finally met Tom's. She paused and turned her muscular body to follow in line with her gaze.
The avatar now made her way closer to the 'camera' that captured her, her face growing ever larger, the dangerous glare in her eyes growing ever clearer. As she moved in towards Tom, a familiar drumming resonated around the room, the chanting of men singing the song of the Dragonborn. Thomas wriggled in his seat and scratched his head.
"Wh- why are you looking at me like that?" he mumbled hesitantly.
"So, it is you," the woman bellowed in reply.
Tom shifted nervously in his chair as the woman cocked her head and leaned in closer towards the camera.
"You are the one who made me act a fool. My criminal record is ruined, and what for? Silverware and bonemeal. I've got bonemeal coming out my ears, Thomas! And what would I want with all these plates? I'm the Dragonborn!"
"Well, you can never have too much bonemeal-"
"And Ulfric! I've behaved an ass, the Stormcloaks will never accept me now! And not to mention the whole world has eyed my nether regions!"
"Hey, Ulfric had it coming! The guy's a douche, you dodged-"
"You got me hooked on skooma! I'm the Dragonborn!"
"Wait..." the drumming had now reached a climax and there were dragon shout symbols glowing on the bedroom walls. Tom jolted upright and narrowed his eyes in serious thought, "how is that-? I don't have surround sound..."
"Thomas," a soft voice chirped from the corridor. There was a gentle tapping on the bedroom door as it creaked open and a wrinkled head popped through the gap. "Could you lower that music dow- Oh, Thomas, what have you done to the walls?"
"Mum," Thomas whispered with his head tilted and his lips contorted as if to muffle his voice, "not in from of the d.r.a.g.o.n.b.o.r.n..."
"Leave, flat chested harlot!" boomed the Dragonborn as the door slammed shut.
Tom swallowed as his eyes drifted back to the screen. A grim smirk had stretched across the Dragonborn's face and her eyes now possessed an evil glint. In a panicked frenzy, Tom pounced below his computer desk and wrenched his computer plug from it's power socket on the wall. Now lying on the floor, plug in hand, he heaved in a breath of relief.
"That's it, Thomas! No more of those video games for you!" the frail voice rang from the corridor.
Tom took another breath and blew his hair from his face.
"Yes, mum."
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