Hitman With A Conscience

Written from a Reddit writing prompt, original post here.

Kyle woke up to a throbbing headache and a stale stench of must in the air. It was an unfamiliar scene, a sprawling warehouse, empty and tall, filled only with rusted chains and abandoned cranes. He tried to move his feet, then his arms. After quickly realising that his whole body was completely bound, he wriggled frantically while he tried to let out a panicked scream.

"Ah! You're finally awake," a strange voice greeted him, polite and warm. The man walked into view, unkempt and large bodied. He squatted down by Kyle's side.

"Mff ffm mmmm!" Kyle muffled through duct-taped lips.

"You're gonna have to calm down before I take that off, Kyle. Can't have you screaming the place down, can we?"

Kyle emitted yet more muted wails and flailed his torso in response.

"Anyway... Know why you're here, Kyle?... Someone put a hit on you. I dunno, something about owing Matt... Marvin... Midge? Owing Midge money or something like that, whatever, but he hired me to kill you, see," he paused and winced slightly after his eyes met Kyle's, "but don't look at me with those wide eyes, I ain't a bad guy. Really, I ain't. See I like to give my marks a shot at taking care of unfinished business before they 'move on'. Because I ain't a monster, Kyle... Stop looking at me like that. See, my ma, she brought me up better than that..."

The hitman raised a closed fist to his lips and closed his eyes briefly in a dramatic display of emotion. Then he continued. "So, let me make this right. You get one wish, think of me as your djini for the day... 'til I kill you after, anyway. Now, I'm gonna take that gag off'a you," he took the duct tape carefully in his fingers and began to peel it away gently, "and you're going to tell me your bucket list, Kyle."

"Urrrh!" Kyle gasped as the tape ripped from his sore, red lips, "I wish that you let me go!"

"Ugh," the hit man slapped a hand to his forehead, "how original! Ain't gonna happen. And you need to face that. Come on, Kyle, play nice."

Kyle wriggled with an increasingly more panicked ferocity and began to shriek at the top of his lungs.

"What did I say, Kyle?!" the hitman slapped the discarded duct tape back over Kyle's lips, "okay, if you're not going to help, I'll just have to do some investigation myself..."

Reaching forward, the hitman pulled a mobile phone from Kyle's pocket and swiped at the screen with his thumb. "Hmm, let's see... Okay, that's a lot of selfies, Kyle, Christ... Oh, wait, here's a girl... Jessica-"

"MMMMF MMM MMM!" Kyle flailed wildly and shook his head in a frenzy.

"Okay, okay. So we'll leave Jessica out of this," he ripped the gag off again, this time with a markedly lazier sense of care and gentleness, "so, Kyle, tell me what you want to do before you die."

"... I want to climb Machu Picchu."

"... Next."

"... Hug a bear."

"Nope."

"... I want a threesome. With girls. Two girls."

"... No."

"I always wanted to learn a foreign language."

"Are you kidding me?!" he pinched the bridge of his nose and flipped the phone in his hand, "how about I just call Jessica for you?"

"... Okay. Tell her I love her. Tell her I'll love her from beyond the grave...."

"... Kinda creepy, Kyle, I'll leave out the last part," the hitman punched away at the phone screen,

"Okay here goes..." the phone let out a faint ringing tone while the two men jerked upright, poised and tense. A female voice answered, an uneasy tone to her voice. "Hey! Jessica?... Yeh, hi, I'm here with Kyle... Kyle... You know Kyle?... You know, kinda dorky lookin', whiny... ginger guy... yeh, yeh that's the one! See, I was wondering, Kyle's about to die, yeh... and his last wish is to declare his undying love-"

BEEEEEP.

"Oh. She hung up."

"...."

The hitman sighed deeply and peered sideways at Kyle, now teary eyed and limp in posture.

"Alright, Kyle. Machu Picchu it is."

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Skyrim: The Self Awareness Overhaul

Bored with Skyrim, you download a mod that has no description, just the title "self-awareness overhaul". Starting up the game, you can tell something's wrong with your character. Turning to face the fourth wall, they locks eyes with you. All you know is you've never seen such intense anger...

Tom had seen it all at this point: Lute playing grizzly bears, epic monster mounts, nude Dragonborns... But this one really peaked his interest: The self awareness mod. So, with the game ready and loaded, Tom was all set and prepped to give it a whirl. With a crack of his knuckles he flicked the controller stick forward to move his avatar... but...

Nothing.

Tom let out a sharp puff of breath, whipping the hair from his face as he mashed more at the controller buttons.

Still nothing. Huh.

But, suddenly something caught his eye. He wrinkled his forehead and leaned into the screen for a closer look. Tom's avatar was moving by herself, glancing around the place in all directions... but what was it she was looking for? Standing poised and alert, her line of sight finally met Tom's. She paused and turned her muscular body to follow in line with her gaze.

The avatar now made her way closer to the 'camera' that captured her, her face growing ever larger, the dangerous glare in her eyes growing ever clearer. As she moved in towards Tom, a familiar drumming resonated around the room, the chanting of men singing the song of the Dragonborn. Thomas wriggled in his seat and scratched his head.

"Wh- why are you looking at me like that?" he mumbled hesitantly.

"So, it is you," the woman bellowed in reply.

Tom shifted nervously in his chair as the woman cocked her head and leaned in closer towards the camera.

"You are the one who made me act a fool. My criminal record is ruined, and what for? Silverware and bonemeal. I've got bonemeal coming out my ears, Thomas! And what would I want with all these plates? I'm the Dragonborn!"

"Well, you can never have too much bonemeal-"

"And Ulfric! I've behaved an ass, the Stormcloaks will never accept me now! And not to mention the whole world has eyed my nether regions!"

"Hey, Ulfric had it coming! The guy's a douche, you dodged-"

"You got me hooked on skooma! I'm the Dragonborn!"

"Wait..." the drumming had now reached a climax and there were dragon shout symbols glowing on the bedroom walls. Tom jolted upright and narrowed his eyes in serious thought, "how is that-? I don't have surround sound..."

"Thomas," a soft voice chirped from the corridor. There was a gentle tapping on the bedroom door as it creaked open and a wrinkled head popped through the gap. "Could you lower that music dow- Oh, Thomas, what have you done to the walls?"

"Mum," Thomas whispered with his head tilted and his lips contorted as if to muffle his voice, "not in from of the d.r.a.g.o.n.b.o.r.n..."

"Leave, flat chested harlot!" boomed the Dragonborn as the door slammed shut.

Tom swallowed as his eyes drifted back to the screen. A grim smirk had stretched across the Dragonborn's face and her eyes now possessed an evil glint. In a panicked frenzy, Tom pounced below his computer desk and wrenched his computer plug from it's power socket on the wall. Now lying on the floor, plug in hand, he heaved in a breath of relief.

"That's it, Thomas! No more of those video games for you!" the frail voice rang from the corridor.

Tom took another breath and blew his hair from his face.

"Yes, mum."

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The Moon Is A Corpse Of A God

It was a clear sky this night, the full moon glowing in its entirety against the infinite darkness. It seemed an age away that the smothering clouds of air pollution had last parted to show its warm light. Staring at the rare sight almost trance-like, the man was trying to decide whether he dreaded the painful view, or whether he longed for its empty comfort. Either way, it didn’t matter.

He stood at a dusty antique cabinet, running his fingers across the cobwebs until he reached a large, shattered ring, filthy with years of untouched grime. This night had brought back long buried memories, but at least holding the halo in his bare hands once again let him escape, if only temporarily, to a happier time. It was a time when there was no suffering, no misery… no death. But now, only the man was immune to death and no one else. There was a time that this had been a gift, now it was only a curse. A curse spent waiting, as was always his job.

Only now he had nothing to wait for.

Shaking himself from his own thoughts, the man carefully placed the ring back in its place, painstakingly using both splayed hands to nudge it perfectly into it’s rightful home. He reached into his pockets and pulled out a cigarette with one hand, a lighter with the other as he turned towards the moonlight. The echoes from his heavy boots pierced through the silence of the dark mansion parlour as he paced towards the ornate wooden window frame. He stared through the cracked glass panes. He didn’t look up at the moon.

Lighting his cigarette, he lowered his eyes to the neon lights of a distant city skyline. Night time used to be a time of contemplation and learning, a chance to expand knowledge infinitely further. Knowledge brought us closer to god, and it was a valuable weapon against god’s enemies. The war was not left solely for god’s shoulders alone. But now. Now night time was a time of self indulgence only.

The man finally took a deep, savoured puff on his cigarette and squinted at the bright lights, distorted through the haze of the smog. How ugly those neon lights were. As if having been avoiding eye contact with an old acquaintance, he slowly glanced upwards at the moon, his beloved master now a dimmed corpse rotting among the stars. But the man’s reunion didn’t last long. A pained scream bellowed from the distant city, cutting through his train of thought like a sharp knife. He closed his eyes briefly, stubbed his cigarette neatly in the ashtray on the windowsill and put his thoughts aside for the next clear night.

Strolling calmly towards the exit, he took his coat from its iron rack, flung it over his shoulder and left, following the screams of his calling. His purpose died with his master long ago, but he knew nothing else. The ghost of his old purpose propelled him still, even thousands of years after it had died. Maybe it was out of habit. Maybe it was out of homage to an old friend.

Original Writing Prompt

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Glurbleflukes

"Of course humans aren’t intelligent. The don’t have glurbleflukes. If you can’t glurblefluke, you’re not sentient," Silas scoffed as he picked at a scab of dirt on his chin.

"Always so sure of yourself, Silas… Your mother was right, you’ve always been thickheaded and you always will be. I swear, it’s just like the time you creamed on the Blarbacan waiter for mixing up our drinks!" Silu's voice wavered, tinged with a bubbling of long pent up anger.

"Oh you just had to bring up the Blarbacan waiter AGAIN, didn’t you, Silu? It was a week ago! Get over it…” He paused as he flicked the unidentified crust from his tentacle. “Look, I’m not having this debate with you here. We came out for a nice day in the suns... people are starting to stare. Don’t embarrass yourself."

Silu turned slowly towards the glass wall with a heavy sigh. She pressed her tentacles against it’s cold surface softly, gently. Silas rolled his eyes wearily. With a quiet huff he reluctantly placed a sweaty tentacle on her collar and squeezed half-heartedly.

"Don't be like that, Silu. It’s just a human, why are we even arguing about this?"

Silu winced with irritation at the sound of Silas’ voice and continued to stare intently at the figure through the glass of the enclosure. The tiny, frail human inside had turned her eyes from a small television set and locked contact with Silu. She munched deflatedly on a french fry, her eyes tired and pained.

"Glurbleflukes or not, humans shouldn’t be kept in captivity!" Silu cried, teary eyed.

Silas slowly dropped and shook his head so that the smooth glurbleflukes twitched in unison, almost as if dancing to his disappointment. He latched at her tentacle and pulled her away from the zoo enclosure.

"Come on, Silu. That’s enough for today," Silas sighed.

He glurblefluked towards the exit door.
Silu did not move.

Read the original Writing Prompts subreddit

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